Chilly Hilly On Bainbridge Island
Every year traffic gets snarled on Bainbridge Island because of the Chilly Hilly Bicycle Classic, which is held on the last Sunday of February every year. Its a 33 mile ride around the island, which has quite a number of hills. This is an event that is in its 36th year, with riders coming from as far away as Alaska, New York and even France to participate.
I don’t participate in the race itself, but I do make a point of attending the chili feed that is a fundraiser for the Squeaky Wheels Bicycle Club. I congratulate the riders on their perseverance. The course is a demanding ride. In fact, it has been named one of the “four classic rides” by Bicycling Magazine.
I look forward to the Chilly Hilly every year because I get to meet people from around the world and chow down on some great chili.
The View From Here is published every Sunday.
Copyright 2010 Moody Publishing Co
All Rights Reserved
Monkeys and Ladders
How many monkeys does it take to put up a ladder? I’m sure this is a question that has haunted you throughout the ages. It probably keeps you awake at night. Even if it hasn’t, even if the question has never occurred to you before, don’t fear! I have the answer.
Four. It takes four monkeys to put up a ladder.
Now, before I tell you how I know that, I need to give you a little background information. First, the scene depicted below takes place at Mr. Fixer’s shop. Second, the roof of the shop is between 20 and 25 feet off the ground. Third, the characters involved are my dear, darling husband’s co-workers. As such, I have chosen nicknames for them; because I really, really don’t want to get sued!
The characters:
“Odie” is the bottom rung of this not-so-very-corporate ladder. He is earnest, enthusiastic, engaging and fun. He is also easily distracted. He’ll do anything you ask him to, but you might have to remind him a time or two. For that matter, you might have to prod him or even poke him with a stick. Personally, I’ve found that the best form of motivation for Odie is a combination of praise and cookies.
“Heuy” and “Dewey” are the next level in the shop hierarchy. They’re technically called “tire busters”, I think, but primarily they do such things as oil changes, brake inspections, alignments and so on. In olden times, Heuy and Dewey would be considered apprentice technicians.
“New Guy” is exactly that. He’s the most recent hire and the journeyman technician. Since he’s brand-spankin-new to the shop, I haven’t known him long enough to come up with a decent nickname. I’ll be working on it though.
“Mr. Fixer” is the lead tech; master technician. You already know a whole bunch about him, and I think I shouldn’t go on too much because I am most definitely biased in his favor!
The “Machness Monster” is the service guy. He’s kind of the jack of all trades. He’s a parts guy, estimate guy, inspection guy, salesman and (mostly) babysitter. He’s the one that makes sure the boss and shop guys understand each other. (and don’t kill each other)
“Almost Stumpy” is the front counter guy. He handles sales, manages customers and customer relations and does administrative stuff.
“Jedi” is the boss. He does boss stuff.
So, ladders and monkeys…
Seems there was a need to get up onto the roof of the shop. This was a daunting task because it’s very high off the ground. One can’t just jump up there. It takes a ladder. A big ladder.
Odie, Heuy and Dewey are smart, forward-thinking people. While in the shop, the three of them unfold the extension ladder to its fullest length. They make sure each hinge is appropriately locked as there’s little that could be worse than getting half-way up a ladder only to find it buckling beneath you!
Once the ladder is locked into position, Odie, Heuy and Dewey walk this monstrosity out of the shop and begin the arduous task of setting it upright against the building. Simple, right? Not so much.
The long ladder, now semi-upright, is top heavy. This means that the ladder is beginning to tilt to one side. You can’t really just “catch” it or anything, so the Three Amigos are trying to nurse the ladder back to center without actually bracing it against the shop wall. Why… because the shop wall was painted not two months ago. Odie, Heuy and Dewey don’t want to be responsible for scratching the paint! (That would mean erecting that ladder again to repair said scratches, of course.)
I think I should mention here that not a one of these young men are over the age of 25. Atop that, they’re all of fairly wiry physique. This means that while the three of them are alternately trying to coax and man-handle this ever-more-ungainly ladder, it is only the intervention of the Machness Monster that gets this odd thing under control. That is, of course, after the Machness Monster stops his nearly-uncontrollable belly laugh and sets down his can of soda.
So, ladder is up against the building, the Machness Monster has gone back to his laughing and the Three Amigos are pausing briefly to catch their collective breath. You’d think it was over. No. The ladder is still about four or so feet short of the roof. That’s a big gap. That’s a bigger gap when you’re trying to get down OFF of the roof.
Anyway, enter the New Guy. Actually, enter the New Guy’s truck. This truck is a character in and of itself. Like the Jeep Eater, New Guy’s truck has been raised, has big-ol-tires and is taller than any normal, self-respecting vehicle has a right to be. Cool, yes, and useful. Extremely useful in this instance.
New Guy backs his truck up to the shop so that the Three Amigos can lift-and-walk-and-totter-and-tilt the ladder into the bed of said truck. Of course, the bed of this truck is a good four or five feet off the ground. And, there are sides to the bed of the truck. And the Three Amigos don’t want to scratch the paint on the sides of the bed of the huge truck.
The ladder finds its way into the bed of the truck and Odie finds himself climbing gingerly up the ladder. He makes the ages-old mistake of looking down, then closes his eyes and again tries getting up the ladder. Once on the roof he pauses, glancing back and down at Heuy, Dewey, New Guy, the Machness Monster and Mr. Fixer and I, all of whom are laughing, and somewhat meekly calls out, “It’s spongy.”
Mr. Fixer says, “Watch out, there’s a soft spot right about there.”
The Machness Monster says, “Hey, are the gutters clear?”
As Odie returns from his primary task – untying a flag – Mr. Fixer can’t hold it back any longer. “Oh, and check the heater vents while you’re up there.”
The Machness Monster rescues Odie, telling him to get down. Half way down the ladder, though, he says that it’s lucky Odie isn’t the type to wear his pants down around his knees or wear his shoes untied. Overhearing that comment, Odie paused to pull up his pants. This set off the laughter in everyone! Again.
With Odie finally off the roof, the Three Amigos decided to shorten the ladder before removing it from the bed of the truck. Good job, boys. You’re learning.
Sigh
Therefore, while it takes four monkeys to put up a ladder, it only takes one to climb it. You can’t buy that kind of entertainment!
Until next time…
D. S. Vic
Include Northwest Journal in the subject line of all Email. JD_DSVic at yahoo.com Facebook Group
Copyright © 2010 D. S. Vic
All rights reserved.
Facebook Group
When I started writing for this journal, I asked Ray Littrell about what subjects I should write. Upon wading through the rabid verbosity of his eleventy-million-page reply, I realized that his discourse could be summed up in one (ish) sentence.
“Share your humor and write about stuff that is of interest to the people of the Northwest; and don’t get me sued.”
Oh, is that all? No wonder I got this job. My requirements are simple. Write stuff that won’t get the boss sued. It’s been nearly three months now and I haven’t heard of anyone getting sued, so I think I’m off to at least a decent start.
Anyway, I’m fully aware that I spend a great many columns talking about me, my dearest heart Mr. Fixer and the various adventures he has brought into my life. I don’t know if that really qualifies as “of interest to the people of the Northwest” though. I mean, really! Who am I to think I know what interests others? If I really knew that, I’d be a rich ga-zillionaire and wouldn’t care at all if someone tried to sue me.
Therefore, in an effort to discern what is of interest to you, my wonderful readership, I ask you to let me know what interests you. If you use Facebook at all, please click this link, Facebook Group, and join the group. You will have the chance of saying what you want to read about, suggest topics and keep apprised of the latest goings on. (please keep all posts family friendly.) Once in a while there might even be updates on the awing and awesome Mr. Littrell!
Who knows, maybe, someday in the not-too-distant-future, there might even be prizes and awards for reader contributions. Hey, it’s a nice dream.
Until tomorrow…
D. S. Vic
Please include Northwest Journal in the subject line of all Email. JD_DSVic at yahoo.com
Copyright © 2010 D. S. Vic
All rights reserved.
Smoking Celebrity
From the time I was knee-high to a grasshopper, I have been passively hunting celebrity. I think I’ve finally found it.
Most weekends Mr. Fixer and I can be found at the Carpenter’s house. Rather, I’m usually in the house while the Weekend Heroes are doing what they do in the garage. Still, we see the Carpenter and his brood about once a week.
Wherever the boys are, there’s always something on TV. Since the Carpenter has one of those fancy satellite deals where you can rewind the TV program, the unspoken rule is that no one changes the channel. This means that when it’s not NASCAR season, UFC is on TV. – Before Mr. Fixer came into my life, there was no such thing as NASCAR or UFC. –
Anyway, it has long been my habit to have a notebook and pen with me. This has come in very handy as most of the weekend fights on UFC… well, you’d see more action watching grass grow. How anyone can call two men dancing around an octagon “fighting” is beyond me.
Sigh
On occasion, as the Carpenter walks past on his way to the grill or back to the garage, he will pause, look at my notebook and query, “Writing the next column?” or “Waiting to see what strange thing the Carpenter does next?”
The answer, to both questions, is almost always, “Yes!”
Anyway, sometimes I’ll heft my bulk out of the recliner to observe the goings on in the garage. This is nearly always a humorous thing. Why? Let me tell it this way:
I walked into the garage to find Mr. Fixer opening the door of an upside-down refrigerator. Oh, this can’t be good. Seems this week, the project is to prove that smoking can, indeed, be cool. Seems the Carpenter saw the plans on the internet. Seems those plans suggest that one could make a meat smoker out of an old refrigerator/freezer. One is supposed to be able to turn the appliance over, remove the compressor and other electrical doodads, remove all the melt-able plastic parts and… Voila! There’s your smoker!
So, I’m sitting in the frigid garage because these two men, engaged in their Man Work, are so incredibly entertaining. The Weekend Heroes are alternately sitting and laying on the very frigid cement floor. They’re alternately pushing and pulling various things in the freezer portion of this upside-down fridge. They’re alternately breaking, twisting and bending various plastic things that were never meant to be broken, twisted or bent! And, it’s all in the name of great barbecue!
“Guess we didn’t need that piece.” Says Mr. Fixer after slamming his fist against the plastic door of the butter tray in the topsy-turvy fridge-come-smoker.
“Huh. That’s got a couple little screws.” Says the Carpenter upon breaking off semi-large portions of the fridge light cover using sheer muscle strength.
“Wow, those blades are sharp.” Says Mr. Fixer as he tries removing the odd, metal grating/tubing thing that made the freezer into a freezer. “Real sharp.” He adds, pulling his hand back and examining it briefly. “Good, no blood yet.” He mutters under his breath.
“Ooohh, I’ve got red fire caulk around here somewhere…” utters the Carpenter.
“Hmmm, that’s gotta be useful for something.” Mutters Mr. Fixer in regard to the sharp, metal cooling thingie.
“Yeah, this is it!” says the Carpenter about the caulk. Then, reading the tube, “‘Heat and flame resistant’. Excellent.”
A brief ogling of the freezer-come-heat source – where the red-hot coals are going to go – then a quick glimpse back at the tube of caulk. “Oh… ‘highly flammable’. Guess that won’t work so well.” Continuing to read the tube. “‘Fumes highly explosive…’”
No, there’s nothing to fear. The Weekend Heroes are here!
There are people who pay dearly for various escapes. Hundreds of dollars get used for such things as concerts, sporting events, artworks and the like. Some people spend upwards of a thousand dollars for an evening’s entertainment.
Me? I get all this for free. I’m the luckiest woman in the world!
I’ll let you know if the smoker ever gets completed.
Until next time…
D. S. Vic
Please include Northwest Journal in the subject line of all correspondence. JD_DSVic at yahoo.com
Copyright © 2010 D. S. Vic
All rights reserved.
Its Rock And Roll, Baby!
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED DEPARTMENT: I was listening to a recording of Wolfman Jack from September 2, 1971 last week. He was in Boise to promote the Wood River Rock Festival which was held near Sun Valley for several years.
He “took over” KFXD, which was the top rock and roll station in Boise and it was classic Wolfman for the entire hour and half, Baby!
During the show they ran a commercial for a local drug store where they were selling rifles for hunting season. They offered to give anyone who bought a new rifle for $80 three cases of shells for free. My how things have changed!
Buy Idaho Expo…
I spent this past Wednesday exploring the Buy Idaho Expo in the Capitol rotunda. I met a lot of very interesting people and got very dizzy (the exhibits were in a circle the center of the rotunda).
My friend Everett invited me because he wanted to schmooze. He has a Blog, The Shopping Nazi, where he talks about saving money, shares the latest bargains and also writes about local businesses in Boise, Idaho, home of the 2010 Fiesta Bowl winners, the Broncos and, of course, their blue turf.
I think Everett got the idea for the Shopping Nazi from one of my stories. I told him that I was visiting New York a few years ago and was trying to get a cousin to take me to the Soup Nazi. She kept refusing, until I cornered her and got her to admit that she had been banned for a month for some discretion or another.
I think the story intrigued him, and the next thing I knew, he had the domain name and a website up and running. He’s been building up ever since.
Later he invited me to lunch at Moons Kitchen in downtown Boise. Moons has been a downtown icon since 1955. He warned me when we sat down that I probably wouldn’t be able to finish everything and he was right. The sausage patty I ordered with my breakfast was the size of a small hamburger. That was the first time I had a take-home box for breakfast.
The View From Here is published every Sunday.
Copyright 2010 Moody Publishing Co
All Rights Reserved
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