The Holiday That Never Was To Be
The Holiday That Never Was To Be
Mrs. Tolbert’s 4TH grade class was full of ten-year olds
All eyes were torn between the scenes of summer outside the window
And the second hand on the clock
The assignment was written in chalk:
Create a holiday that you will participate in over summer vacation!
All of her students had their proposals set
On the upper left-hand side of their desks
They were waiting for
Thomas
Who was trying his best to finish
So that everyone could share their new holidays
On this last day, during this last hour
Of class
Finally
Thomas set his stack of odd drawings down
There were murmurs of
Finally!
Mrs. Tolbert called on the first student to read about her holiday
It was called,
Find Lost Pets:
“On my holiday I will go around my neighborhood
And look for signs. I will spend the whole day looking
For that lost pet and when I find it I’ll call the owner and
Collect the reward.”
She showed her drawing of herself
Handing over a puppy to another little
Girl of the same age
Very good!
Exclaimed Mrs. Tolbert.
The next holiday was called:
Tackle Football
The boy stood on his chair and raised his picture high
It was a picture of a boy his age
Tackling another boy with a football in his arms
“On my holiday I’ll gather up all my friends and
We will play tackle football without any of the dumb
School rules. Two-hand touch is for sissies!”
There were praises from the other boys in the room.
Just be careful, Chad!
Exclaimed Mrs. Tolbert.
Very good!
Thomas gave his presentation last
He stood up and showed his first picture
His holiday was called
Changing of the Garb
Interesting title!
Exclaimed Mrs. Tolbert
The first picture was of a poor family
Wearing poor clothes
The second picture was of a rich family
Wearing rich clothes
“On my holiday the poor family would trade
Their poor clothes with the rich and the rich would wear the
Poor people’s clothes all day long.”
There were murmurs again
Chad chided:
“What about the middle class?”
Thomas held up his final picture
The middle class people were all naked
There were plenty of boobies and penises
For the students to laugh over
“The middle class would wear no clothes
Because they don’t deserve any.
They let the poor people starve and
Allow the rich people to get fat.”
Mrs. Tolbert marched on over to Thomas
And yanked the offending picture from his hands
This is inappropriate material for class!
Exclaimed Mrs. Tolbert.
I want to speak with you
OUTSIDE
NOW!
The ten-year olds were too scared to taunt Thomas
Mrs. Tolbert was raging
Thomas made his way to the door
He had his shirt off before his teacher noticed
She was writing angry words across the chest
Of a naked woman who was too detailed for
Her liking
She would have Thomas’s parents know
Their child needed guidance
And discipline
When Mrs. Tolbert looked up
She knew something was wrong
Her class was silent
A pair of shoes was left discarded by the door
A pair of blue jeans was stuck in the jam
And was it her imagination
Or was Chad wearing Nathan’s clothes?
The football jock looked ragged and poor
Nathan looked well-to-do
Nathan even smiled
What shocked her most
Were the clothes which were
Stacked neatly on the upper left-hand corner
Of her students’
Desks
By Craig Boehman, from Wolf Gin Sonnets, 2009
Roasted Pears And Ice Cream
Summer has finally arrived in Boise with hot days that turn into beautiful, warm, summer nights. Time for fun, easy, fruit deserts. As I was looking through some of the recipes I’ve collected, this one from Rachael Ray caught my eye. This is a great way to end the day with friends on the patio.
Roasted Pears And Ice Cream
2 tablespoons softened butter
2 cans pear halves in syrup
1 lemon, zested and 4 lemon twists of rind.
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 pieces crystallized ginger, chopped or grated
1 pint French vanilla ice cream
Preheat oven to 400 degreesF.
Place the butter in the bottom of the shallow baking dish. Drain off 3/4 of the liquids from each can – - pears should remain wet, but not swimming in syrup. Add pears to the dish and season with lemon zest, nutmeg and crystallized ginger then roast 20 minutes. Serve warm pears with scoops of French vanilla ice cream on top, garnish with lemon twist.
Face Down
This Brighton cafe is alive with our bullshit,
and me, another tourist with a blue passport
in a kingdom of red passports.
“How you set a book down reveals who you are,”
she tells me in her thick London slush.
Always interested in absurd theories, I ask her to explain.
“First of all,” she says, “you’re an introvert. You’ve set it
face down. Intentionally.”
“How do you know it’s intentional?”
“You set it down in perfect symmetry, aligned vertically
with the table facing you in the upper left-hand corner
because you take your coffee with your right hand.”
So I take a sip of coffee with my left.
“That doesn’t change anything,” she tells me.
I have to give it to her so far.
“Also,” she continues, “You want somebody, anybody,
to ask you what you’re reading. But you are too proud to admit it.”
“Maybe I’m just an eccentric but don’t care one way or the other,”
I offer.
“You care. You’re an elitist. You expect people to come to you, to
respect your talent.”
“Maybe so.”
I accept her explanation without much thought.
It sounds good to me but I know this is
all about her. Her theories. Her life. Her talent.
She sets her book face up, facing me.
She sips her whatever vanilla latte.
She waits until the moment is full
and strikes the invisible clock with a bat
of her panda eyes.
“You’re an extrovert. You want me to ask you about your
book,” I tell her.
“Go on,” she says.
We’re back at her place. She doesn’t live in a dorm.
She doesn’t have to with all her parents’ Old World money,
laundered one thousand times over in as many banks.
Her Mayfair stock never devalues –
even with a Bayswater education.
“Let’s go for a walk. Let’s walk down to the pier.”
We walk along the shore, crunching stubborn gravel,
churning the vomit of the English Channel,
smoking broken compasses.
Being lost together is our only comfort.
“The pier is even ugly at night,” she says.
“Let’s get a drink somewhere then.”
She takes my hand and we walk all the way to the pier,
up to the locked gates where the amusement park sleeps.
We stay there for a while and smoke. One cigarette,
and then two. I feel too contrived. Sick of it all.
“Face down,” I tell her,
because once again the moment is full.
Then I see her tears through the sickly neon fog.
She flicks the butt and we go.
In the pub we start all over again.
“What you drink reveals who you are,” she says.
And last call always comes too soon,
even in paradise.
By Craig Boehman, from Wolf Gin Sonnets, 2009
Archie McPhee – Tourist Destination?
I’m really not sure if the Archie McPhee store in Seattle would be considered a tourist destination, but it certainly a fun one, filled with all kinds of unusual toys and gift(?) ideas. Here is their story, followed by a couple commercials…
© 2009 Moody Publishing Co
Great Idea, But Will It Work?
I have been a kind of “idea” person most of my life. When someone brings me a marketing or business problem I can generally work out the details of what needs to be done and why quickly. The challenge, when it comes to the final presentation, is belief…
Often the response from the audience is “Great idea, but will it work?” The answer truthfully, is “I don’t know.” No one really knows what people will buy until they know about it. Then, if the product solves a problem (social, business, personal), the demand sky rockets…
One excellent example of this supply and demand concept is cell phones. One of the strongest human needs is the desire to communicate with other people, to share ideas or just talk. This need has created cell phones and the companies to support them in every shape and form imaginable. I know of one person who sent over 9,000 text messages in one month to only two people: His fiance and his best friend. What could they have talked about 300 times a day…
Back to the point. A product or service has to solve a problem for someone. The stronger the perception of the solution, the greater the passion to make the idea into a viable business. No perception of value, no passion. No passion, no business, simple as that…
If the business solves a problem for the customer, the demand can be high and so can the price charged for the product. If the business solves a problem for the owner – as in making a comfortable living doing something they love – their passion can override many of the insecurities and fears they may have for marketing the business. If the perceived solution benefits the owner and the customer, which is the ideal, WOW!
Try this exercise: Ask a question that can only be answered with a yes or no. No shades of gray. Let’s say the product is advertising…
“Will this product solve a problem for the customer?” Yes, find a way to sell it. No, find something else to sell…
“Will selling advertising successfully solve a financial problem for me?” Yes, find a way to sell successfully. No, move on to something else…
Answering yes or no defines the perception of value for the product. Once you have a long series of yes answers, then design a product and marketing plan to make it a success…
In the end, though, do we ever know if it will work? No. We invest our time, energy and passion and see what happens…
© 2009 Moody Publishing Co.
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